The SociaList (Week of 11/9/20 - 11/15/20)
- Dizzle Stax
- Nov 16, 2020
- 7 min read
YOOOOO! What’s goody? If you’re reading this, thank you very much for tuning into my new baby, The SociaList! If you’re wondering what the hell this is, just know that I’m doing the Lord’s work of keeping up with all things funny in the social media world…FOR YOU! With Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, and even my new favorite Neo-Nazi platform for racists, Parler, I understand that it’s hard for you to keep up with all of the great content being uploaded each week to these sites. So I’m gonna give you a brief breakdown of what you missed from the top ten Social Media moments of the week. Let’s get started…
10. At number 10 we’re gonna start out at Twitter with a classic “The Office” appreciation tweet from @WhattUpJT. Now we all know who our president is at the moment and who has been elected in as our new president. And that new guy, Mr. Biden has made some very encouraging promises regarding student loans, sounding somewhat similar to America’s favorite boss, Michael Scott. If you’re lost already to what myself or this tweet is referring to, then exit this blog this instant and steal your ex’s Netflix password and go binge The Office before they take that shit down! Now if you’re still with me here, AND you’re a victim to student loan debt, let’s pray you don’t end up like one of Scott’s Tots, or better yet one of Biden’s Buds!
9. We’re staying on Twitter at number 9 as @_kirkobain reveals one of the deep hidden African American prophecies, tweeting “We still on?” - An African American attempt to cancel. Now, we’ve all been there. Made plans with the homies earlier in the week but haven’t heard from them in 3 days. For all we know ANYTHING could have happened between now and then. One of the City Girl’s had an accidental nip slip and you know your horny homey has been locked up watching that gif on repeat. The new PS5 could’ve just dropped causing your fiscally challenged comrade to pawn all of his living room furniture to cop one for the gram, assuring you that he won’t be able to afford to cover his tab at brunch. Or who knows, maybe your state just surpassed one million positive cases in a global pandemic and ya’ll both need to stay your ass at home. Either way, you don’t wanna be rude and just flat out cancel…so you shift that energy with a simple “We still on?” text. But you really don’t know true heartbreak until you get that “yea, let’s do it” reply. Especially after you already mentally prepared yourself to change into sweats, and sit alone in the darkness, eating a pint of ice cream watching reruns of Girlfriends on Netflix!
8. Now one thing we all know is that the kids nowadays are notoriously bad. Teachers can’t handle em in school, and now apparently neither can the parents. Twitters @jacaristar racked up 190k Likes with our choice for number 8, explaining how her daughter has made a family recommendation regarding her brother. Now I don’t know what bothers me more here, the traitorous sibling here that is the sister, or the fact that she has to step up and be the adult in the situation. What in the Bart & Lisa Simpson is really going on in this family? This is giving me true Cain & Abel vibes, and although I do respect the daughter’s gangster, her pulling a Frank Lucas just doesn’t sit right with me. I feel like this family needs a reality show ASAP because I can just picture the lil girl in her confessional, detailing all of the reasons why her lil bro needs hands laid upon him. @jacaristar PLEASE keep us up to date on the development of this story.
7. Staying in Black Twitter for number 7, in a tweet that has since been deleted (for good reason) THE STICK UP AZULAS ASS tweeted “I want black people to be released from the shackles of Ginger Ale” to which @afroinstilettos intelligently pointed out, “its a whole panny happening & u want us to not have meds?” First off, I’m 100% confident that THE STICK UP AZULAS ASS is apart of Trump panny team. A reluctancy to wear masks, optional social distancing, and now NO GINGER ALE?! FOH! Also, has “panny” officially been adopted as the new slang for pandemic? Because I’m bout it! I’m ready for the “it was the panny for me tweets.” Anyways, Ginger Ale has been a staple of the African American medical community for some time now. Curing common colds, settling stomachs, and healing headaches with its miraculous fizzling wondrous ways. There’s no way, in the middle of a panny, that I’m NOR gonna stay strapped!
6. There’s nothing I love more than revisiting old songs, music videos, movies, etc. and pointing out crazy shit that people said/did in them. With that being said after you finish this blog go check out my podcast called the Way Back When Podcast with my playa patna Money B! Anyways, at number 6, @nayaistired pointed out the absurdity of Chris Brown’s “Excuse Me Miss” music video, tweeting “Like imagine a man following you and doing this….truly terrifying.” This ain’t your ol granny’s pre-panny doo-wopping Temptations! This is CRUMPING mam! And ain’t shit sexy about it at all! This tweet is so great because not only is it funny, but it’s true. That shit is terrifying! I feel like the only person that would actually do something like this in real life would also eat chipped tree bark as a midnight snack. All in all, I guess we do gotta thank C-Breezy for inspiring the Topsy & Bopsy characters from Lovecraft Country, because those girls were frightening as fuck!
5. As you all know, the new Playstation 5 just came out and people are going to extreme lengths just to get their hands on one. And as @soldoutdates pointed out, fellas are even going out of their way to be GOOD BOYFRIENDS! These pictures are hilarious, especially the 3rd one with him delicately holding the toilet brush like he’s about to stir some milk in his tea! The poses, the effort, the creativity are all A1 and personally, I think he deserves that PS5. And since his girlfriend obviously disagrees, I’ll join him in saying “fuck you den”
4. Ok let’s get out of Twitter and head on over to TikTok for number 4 where @Katie.pearce lives up to her hashtag #dumbblonde listing the things she doesn’t understand. Honestly though, I can relate to her not understanding these things, because after at least twelve listens I still couldn’t understand what the hell she was saying. That accent is Lizzo thick! I will join her on starting a petition to change the name of the number “eleven” to “onety-one!” That might be the dumbest smartest shit I’ve ever heard in my life tbh. Either way, I think I need to get my hands on that stupid strain of weed she’s smokin!
3. Let’s take it back to Twitter to start off our Top 3! Right now as we speak the legal team at In N Out are pulling all nighters preparing themselves for upcoming court battles. Lord I have seen what you have done for others, and I pray that one day I could be as lucky (or unlucky) as this customer! @TheReelSantana was able to document the tragic aftermath of a bouldering ceiling tile unexpectedly free falling from the sky and crashing catastrophically onto this innocent young man’s head. See in this video as the man lays lifeless on the ground, already battling the panny, he didn’t even get a chance to attack his animal style fries before he was viciously attacked by this establishments shaky foundation. I can tell just from his positioning that the monstrous weight of the ceiling tile did severe damage to his neck, his back, his neck and his back! Apparently the person in the video is @JakePollard117 and let me just say Jake, it would be an honor for me to represent you as your lawyer in this case and I promise, I will not fumble this bag!
2. HORNY DOG ALERT! For the number two post were going back to TikTok as @jennwithtwons dubbed Cardi B’s WAP to a video of my new favorite bulldog straight humpin away in heat. Ironically, I had the same reaction when I watched Cardi & Meg’s WAP video for the first time. This video is wild because this whole time I was under the assumption that dogs could only have sex in well…doggy style. But from the looks of it, this pumpin pooch is ready to hand out some missionary strokes and was also performing some oral activities as well! Now it’s been known that bulldogs drool a lot so I can assure you that that toppy was indeed sloppy! I’m not exactly sure where this is but there is a #doggydaycare in the comments which makes me wonder, is this some kinda Hound Whorehouse? I know they say all dogs go to heaven, but by the looks of it, he was already there. All he needs is 101 Dalmatians and he can start achieving Wilt Chamberlain numbers! This muff munching mutt is officially my spirit animal!
1. Aaaaaaaaand for my number 1 pick I’m going to Facebook! One of my favorite trends lately has been the “Weed Man” posts. Now if you know me you know I’m not a smoker but all my life I’ve heard about how much weed is non-addictive. But these posts have been showing me quite the contrary, displaying the desperate attempts that people will go through to get their hands on the stickiest of the ickiest. And this post from Stude Wood takes the cake for me. There’s not much to say about this one. The funny is in the post. Plus can you picture a grown ass man sphering a child in the middle of a Pee Wee football game just to get the attention of his local weed dealer so he can cop a 3.5 to prepare him for his Psych exam that evening? So can I, and that’s why this is number 1 for me.
Alright I want to thank ya'll for checking out this first edition of The SociaList. Big thanks and shoutout to my sister Symone & my cousin Lynice for helping me with finding this great content! I'll holla at ya'll next time, Deuces!
Dizzle Stax
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